Get Fit or Diet ~~Can be VERY trying

In my wardrobe are clothes in 3 sizes ~ large ~ X large, and B****y HELL!!. As my health probs have limited my mobility more & more, I have been losing the battle of the bulges, Not that I'm overweight ~ I'm just under height! ~ I'd be PERFECT if I was just 11 feet tall !! I've tried ignoring my weight & concentrating on my height ~ but alas, so far havent managed a single centimeter!. Every so often I decide DRASTIC action is called for & start some new diet & try some new fangled exercise plan. SO, last week I again took myself in hand ~ this time I was determined to change my lifestyle, & eat 'proper' REGULAR meals!. Day 1~ first problem ~ I am NOT a breakfast person!!~ however,I was determined!!~ so I struggled to swallow some muesli!~oh boy, I was determined it would go down, but throat said..Nooo!!!I was very good at lunchtime with a healthy snack, then a jacket potato for tea. So far so good!! Day 2 ~ I tried with brekkie ~honest I DID try~ lunch slipped to late afternoon & the snack gained a bag of crisps, but I WAS trying!. Tea was a bit of a fridge clear out,~shame about the half a bar of Turkish Delight I found at the bottom of the salad drawer,~ but waste not, want not!! Day 3 ~determination renewed~ skipped brekkie~ 2 ryvita & marmite mid morning ~ shared a bag of chips with a friend for lunch, felt REALLY guilty, so had a bowl of cornflakes for tea about 9pm. Day 4 ~wheattie bangs & yoghurt for brekkie!! felt very virtuous! salady lunch ~ being good ~~~~Whole box Maltesers whilst tweeting to twitter tweeps ~ OH S*** !!! This really isn't good !! This healthy eating isn't as simple as it seemed ~ maybe exercise is the answer !!
HMMM ~ Shopping channels have some interesting exercise gismo's ~ that wobbly javelin thing looks good,~ don't think that headless horse thing is really me~ AH,~ Vibrapower!!!~The belly wobble platform thingy ~ Now THAT looks interesting ~Hmm, 30 day money back quarantee~~lets give it a go!!
Day 8~WHEY HEY !! ~ Exercise wotsit arrived, & it really was only a two minute job to set it up ~ Well done Ideal World !!!~Lets give it a go ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~ Don't worry ~ I'm all right ~ or at least I will be when me boobs & bum (& a lot of other bits)~ start wobbling in unison !!. Don't know if it's gonna do much for my figure & a few of me bones are no longer where they should to be ~ but perhaps it takes a day, or two ~ or a week, or two before you can tell. I shall just have to suffer it, perhaps if I fit it in before breakfast, & mid morning,& after lunch, & before tea, then after tea, perhaps a session whilst watching TV, definately before bed !! ~ Y'know ~~ I think I could get into this exercise malarkey ~ ~ ~ ~ ~!!!!!!!!!!!

OOOOO~ just noticed~ you can change the speed on this thing~~~ yyyyyYYYIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS